More like…how to get over through a breakup…
In my practice right now, I’m noticing it feels like ‘tis the season of breakups, yes they come in seasons. I’ve been doing this for two decades, so fortunately, I know that from the ending of what could be a devastating breakup (or even a lighthearted breakup), there is a new beginning of Love that comes with it. Heartbreak is one of the most uncomfortable experiences in Love. I can personally speak to this too, I’ve had a few humans that I’ve called the loves of my life that had an end date.
Oftentimes, when I receive inquiries, it’s because of a recent breakup. Many times the question we are asking is “how do I get over this breakup?” In the Heartwork, an experience of a breakup is not something that we want to get “over”. It’s something we want to get through in a way that becomes a teacher and an opportunity to reconcile the journey of that relationship.
How to get through it?
Let’s start with a deep breath. Whether you are ending a relationship that is many decades, or many years, or many months, a heartbreak is a heartbreak.
Dr. Helen Fisher, who has spent decades studying love and the brain, explains in this TED Talk something many of us have felt but couldn’t quite put words to: “Heartbreak is not just emotional, it is biological”. From the lens this understanding invites compassion for ourselves and the person we’re ending the relationship with. When our heart is breaking, it is not a sign that something is wrong with us. This is a sign that we are a human being, it’s a reflection of how deeply our brain and body are wired for this love and connection. The pain of this heartbreak is actually an opening and allows a powerful moment of awareness (if we choose). This is where we can begin to turn inward, feel all of our emotions, reconnect to our parts, and reconcile the patterns, beliefs, and emotions that created that relationship in the first place.
In the stage of a heartbreak, our heart is called to heal as well. This is where transformation begins. What once felt like loss can become an invitation to rediscover ourselves and to create a deeper, more aligned relationship with Love moving forward.
End Amicably
Whether you were in a loving relationship or a toxic relationship, healing and ending amicably is a game changer. If we don’t end in a good way, we will bring the limiting experiences into the next relationship. Allowing ourselves to go through the stages of our feelings allows us to be in integrity with a breakup.
Begin by feeling your emotions in an unfiltered and uncensored way… and I mean, feel it. Say it, mean it, release it. Emotions want to be heard and seen, and really – they deserve to. Let me be clear, this is not an invitation to attack your ex. This is an invitation for you to journal about your feelings, move your body to release your feelings, send yourself an unfiltered voice note or write yourself letters about your ex, the options are endless so as always, do what works for you! These feelings are between you and you (at first). This step will allow you to begin to feel compassion for yourself and your ex. (yes, even if your breakup/divorce takes years 🙈). Feeling self-love and compassion will inevitably support you in forgiveness and creating a healthy, loving, supportive relationship when the time is right (not to be rushed).
Permission to take as much time as you need…
Giving yourself permission to take as much time as you need and not rushing yourself will allow you to have clarity, healing, and a new beginning.
An Invitation
Many people reach out at this stage of their journey in Love. Heartbreaks are fuel and openers, if we want them to be, even in the most complex endings.
If you’d like to be supported as you navigate an opening in your life, I offer a pretty in-depth discovery process to support you on your path.
If any part of you feels inspired to take next steps with Finding Bliss, let’s begin with a Discovery Session. Together, we will explore the Heartwork and how Empowered Matchmaking and Relationship Coaching can support you on your journey.
