There are lots of stories about gay men who move to San Francisco to “find themselves” or to “find The One.” I find it exciting that our city can inspire people to go to such lengths in their quest for love (be it self love, love of another, or both).
But as you move through your day-to-day life here in the city, keep in mind that as magical as San Francisco can be, it’s not magic. By that I mean that it’s a charming, thrilling, sometimes dreamlike place to live – but there’s no “Abracadabra” when it comes to creating the life you want for yourself. Even if that life is here, one of the most welcoming and comfortable places in the country for gay men.
The thing is, you have to meet San Francisco halfway. Dressing in layers (so important here!) and walking down Castro Street to see and be seen isn’t going to magically create a wake of men behind you, falling all over each other to be the first to introduce himself to you.
There are a few things you can do to turn a few heads as you stroll the sidewalk. Here’s what I suggest:
1. Know yourself. There’s nothing sexier than the confidence that comes from self-awareness and being comfortable in your own skin. Men who feel this way on the inside exude attractiveness on the outside – and other men notice. It’s just the way it is, and it doesn’t really matter what you look like. People can sense it.
2. Own yourself. Whatever your truth, own it, embrace it, and make no excuses for it. You’re short? You’re tall? You’re bald? You’re bushy-headed? You’re over 40? You’re a redhead? Your right foot is slightly pigeon-toed? Your moustache is uneven? (gasp!) Those perceived shortcomings are quite often the thing that another man will find most endearing. If you stop being so self-conscious about your [fill in the blank], no one is going to think twice about it.
3. Show yourself. Smile at people as you pass. Be warm. Be polite. Give ‘em those pearly whites. Isn’t that why you had them whitened in the first place? If you’re in a good mood and feel like whistling, do it and don’t worry whether someone is going to think it strange
Many of my clients tell me how difficult it is to “meet guys” here and that they feel invisible, even in the heart of the Castro. But once they explain to me the way they walk down the street, and what they’re thinking as they do so, I can usually identify a few small behaviors they can change that will turn that around.
Those supposed “guy magnets” – puppies and baby strollers – may work to some extent, but puppies poop and babies cry so maybe you should move on to something far more interesting to attract a few looks: yourself.
If you find this topic compelling, I invite you to join me for a fun workshop called “At the Corner of Castro & Fabulous: How to Turn Heads When You Walk Down the Street.” It’s the first in my 3-part series entitled “You’re Getting Warmer: Perfecting Your Search for Mr. Right.” Details are below, and click on the links to learn more.
Happy Strolling (and Head-Turning)!
What: At the Corner of Castro & Fabulous: How to Turn Heads When You Walk Down the Street
Where: The Gazebo, Davies Medical Center [map]
When: Tuesday, Feb 7, 7:00-9:00 p.m.
Free and open to everyone.
Sponsored by: The Community Initiative